5 Things I Learned: New Mom Revelations

Guilt and Feelings of Inadequacy: I had boat-loads of it as a new mom. Take comfort ladies, if you can. These were some of my hard-learned realizations and lessons:

1) Your experience will be unique - and you're justified in however "easy" or "hard" you feel being a mom is.

I had a "hard" first baby - preterm, couldn't latch on, trouble staying awake to eat at all, reflux, very colicky, etc. - and I desperately felt it must have been me "doing things wrong". "Everyone else" seemed to have no trouble at all!



It's not true - similar stories are out there, and as I later learned, sometimes it's just the way things are with that particular infant. It's not necessarily new-mom, first-baby inexperience coming into play, either. A "difficult" baby can find you even on your second or third child, (or more!), whereas the first might have been "easy". I know several moms where this is the case, while, blessedly, my second child seems to have been (so far) a bit of an easier case. These infants are a whole different ballgame, and yes, it can be tough going when you truly have a child that the basics necessities of life are a struggle for, and the disposition is unfortunately very fussy early on. Breathe, it does pass, or, at least, change into new challenges...

2) Breastfeeding - Some women really do struggle with supply.

If you want to do it, and you know in your heart you tried 110% for weeks (or months) on end, but still struggle with supply -- it really is OK to move to formula.

There is a movement out there demonizing women who have to use formula, and I struggled mightily to do the "right" thing by exclusively breastfeeding/pumping. Lactation consultants (met with 3-4 of them for several weeks), pediatrician concerns and constantly weighing the baby, pumping in conjunction with nursing, tubes and all kinds of rigging with shields, changing diet, taking medication to boost.... I did it all. And I made my nerves raw, always worrying there wasn't enough supply-- and the crushing feelings of failure were almost all-consuming.

I finally had a nurse look me in the eye and say, "You've done everything right. Who are you helping, exhausting yourself and worrying to death about this? Sometimes what the lactation consultants recommend is not realistic for your situation. It's ok to use formula if you have to." 

Having "permission" to move on was something my exhausted psyche and body needed to hear. I give it to YOU: If you've tried everything, and you're not producing, formula is OK. Hell, much of the last couple generations ALL used formula, and they are FINE. So much guilt, and so self-inflicted.

One last comment on this: The first time you finish feeding your baby with a bottle/formula, and you are able to actually see how many ounces they took when your supply wasn't the hinderance, you'll know if you did the right thing for your situation.

3) Love that runs so strong and deep, it hurts

It's almost cliche, but yeah, it's true. And, it's totally normal if you don't have this depth of feeling right away, either. But I think for most of us, it happens eventually, and before you realize it, you have a personal understanding of "The Meaning of YOUR Life".

It goes beyond anything I expected. When looking into your baby's eyes and the feelings of sudden fierce love bring you to tears, you'll know. Or the first time you have a mini crisis. When things almost happened...badly... but didn't, and you know your world would have been shattered to a million pieces...

This doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to dislike some of your kids' behavior. Even if your child ends up with a "difficult" personality or other challenges before you. ...You will find they are an extension of yourself that gives definition and purpose to your daily life.

4) You will be *SO* excited for the times your child sees/experiences/plays with something you enjoyed from your own childhood.

It's almost like being allowed to be a kid again yourself when you show your children how to play with your old favorites or introduce them to something they never knew existed. And nostalgia is pretty sweet. Experiencing the world through your child's wonder and excitement is a good thing within reason... there's nothing so cool as seeing your daughter's eyes light up when she has her first trip to the zoo, or your son's look of "Wow! You've been holding back!" as he tastes watermelon for the first time!

5) You will have strong opinions on approach to some matters in child-rearing, and may be utterly lax in others. Your friends/parents/coworkers will likely challenge you on your choices at times.

Consider if your approach might bear some improvement if you time and time again hear that you're doing it "different", but stick to your guns if you think it's the right choice. Caveat: Don't let your hang-ups become your child's. Let him/her decide for himself if cheese is "disgusting" or if all the kids at soccer practice are "mean".